Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
