I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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