The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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