I heard we made out
i think my mom watched the whole time
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
