Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
