I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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