I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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