the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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