He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
