My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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