I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
