The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
