Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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