he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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