absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
