I just pynch a tree in the face
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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