Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
