You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
