I think i peed on brittanys purse
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
