the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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