so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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