Need sex. Gaining weight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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