i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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