Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
