Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My vagina is officially offended.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
