her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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