im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
FUCK WHALES
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
