12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
