I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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