Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
