just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
