PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
