Whoa Z and x make the same sound
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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