There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
