Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
