she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
