Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
