I want to walk on stilts...naked
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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