You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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