dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My vagina is officially offended.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
