good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
