xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
