dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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