I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
