so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
