Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
