hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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