I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
