Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
