I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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