You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
