i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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