whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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