Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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