I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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