his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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