She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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