There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
